New year- the time when you reflect on your achievements of the past year and make resolutions for the coming year (which you will probably break in a matter of weeks).
Having a chronic illness can make reflecting on the past year a little disappointing. Perhaps you haven’t achieved what you set out to do due to numerous health setbacks. Maybe it’s been a really difficult year trying to manage your condition, or things might have got worse. Looking towards the new year can be daunting and hopeful at the same time. Could this be the year when things start to improve?
From a personal perspective 2018 was a success in many aspects. Whilst I celebrate these achievements, any highs were underlined by my health. In fact, a high often caused me to crash and burn. Feeling pretty unwell was always there in 2018. It was always in the background during happy times. Overall, it felt like a pretty challenging year.
I started a new job which was a great personal and professional achievement. But, this presented its own difficulties as the process of meeting new people, new routines, new environments and lots of information to take in caused my M.E to relapse. For the first 6 months of my new job I battled on feeling awful on more days than not. I am now working with my employer in the hope that I can manage my condition more effectively through workplace adjustments. I am hopeful that I will find it more manageable in 2019. However, at the same time I am mindful that on a long-term basis if things do not improve I will have to re-evaluate the situation.
I got married at the end of 2017 so 2018 was my first year as a newlywed. Whilst for most this first year of marriage is the honeymoon period, my year was largely spent lying in bed or on the sofa in my pyjamas. My husband and I have had many wonderful experiences and happy moments. I am really determined to live a normal life when I can. However, these experiences have to be carefully planned and paced to make sure these are possible.
Still, there’s been times when we’ve planned lovely stuff to do but my overriding memory of it is struggling or feeling unwell. Even our honeymoon, which was the holiday of a lifetime, was difficult for me. The jet-lag caused me to relapse and I didn’t feel well for much of the two weeks we were away. My husband is a superstar and so understanding. But, I do get upset that this isn’t how things should be for both of us. I guess we’re just doing things a different way.
Going into 2019 I’m not making any resolutions per se. I think it’s unhelpful and puts added pressure on people who are already struggling just to get through the day. However, I do see a new year as a time to reaffirm what’s going well and to introduce any new lifestyle approaches. I am going to commit to my new food elimination diet in the hope that it improves my condition. I am also going to work hard on continuing pacing. I’d really like to increase my exercise, but I’m mindful that this needs to be carefully graded and considered. I also want to have a more manageable work situation so I will re-evaluate this on a regular basis.
Overall, my goal is to try and do what I can to feel better. If only a little. Here’s to a happy and hopefully healthy 2019!
M.E. and me 